Wanted: Job in Marketing

Riiiaaaaaght, so has everyone seen the Sunlight detergent commercial that claims 36% of women admit to changing their bed sheets less than once a month? The commercial goes on about human oiliness and that to combat this there is the new Sunlight detergent....FAK THAT...I'm sorry but I feel quite strongly that the real narrative should be this:

"36% of women admit to washing their bed sheets less than once a month, and to those women- you are disgusting dirty people who are likely directly responsible for the current bed bug outbreak. If you are one of these sicko women, you personally make this narrator sick and I want the rest of society to realize that these women also probably do NOT wash their hands before preparing food AND they are most certainly the sweaty, unwashed, poorly groomed reason that I do not us public hot tubs.....For the rest of you, normal, clean, thoughtful, respectable people, there is Sunlight detergent."

Sincerely,
Joanne