an ode to the smoker

So, how much do i hate smokers? well a fair amount...not the people, but the act, although increasingly, i am feeling less and less amicable towards the people themselves. I would be interested to find out how many smokers are also aboard this "concern for the environment kick" that is so prevelent in today's society.

Now as you know, i am no fan of "save the environment" push that has made its way around the globe, and for all of you who are, well shame on you because the only difference you have made is help leonardo dicaprio retain a presence in hollywood. ick.

Anyways, smokers....you all suck. yes you smell funny, yes your teeth are yellow, yes you foolishly squander your paycheck on "extra lites", sure you miss all the memorable moments of the evening because you've ran outside for a cigarette, sure you rack up all sorts of health problems that require a trip to the doctor but walk out the door without having spent a penny because it's covered by healthcare, compliments of non-smokers who actually care about their health, sure you look stupid smoking in the rain, or snow, or just in general, sure you ignorantly blow your smoke in my face, yyyeeeeeesssss you (YOU) even swerve around on the road while you try and smoke and drive, which to me is about as retarded as doing anything else behind the wheel other than drive. But this all is not what annoys me the most...oh don't get me wrong, everything about you annoys me, but after all of this, you could save face by emplying just a little bit of respect for everyone and everything around you, which you don't....because smokers are assholes.

What is this so-called secret to saving face? This is simple...you could NOT THROW YOUR FUCKING BUTTS ON THE GROUND. For fucks sake people...my front lawn is not your ashtray...neither is that guy's lawn. Did you see that garbage can 5 feet away? That fat peroxide blonde bitch on Jasper Ave this morning sure didn't; nope apparently right there on the sidewalk in front of someone's business looked like a better place to toss away her reason for living. And what about all the assholes that love to smoke and drive....ah yes cruise around...windows down, maroon 5 blarring...what about them? Well heaven forbid they keep a can or something in their car....fuck that, like pale skinny white slut wants that kind of trash in HER car! Damn...it would stink up the car, look gross, and could spill! nooooooo, she would much rather just throw it out the window. Nice. Real classy...good luck with the man hunt...wouldn't want to disappoint your parents and snag yourself anyone less than intelligent, good looking and successful.

As my sister has previously stated...smokers look stinky....not someone you really are compelled to walk up to and introduce yourself to. This would be unfortunate if a smoker was just that....a person who smoked, but this is not often the case. They've brought it on themselves by displaying a complete lack of respect for their surrounding environment (and i don't mean the kind that needs to be saved...i mean the immediate area around them), and for those around them. For all of you who claim to never have thrown a butt on the ground, then do not take offense because I am honestly grateful and I commend your class, but for the rest of you....you're gross and i hate you.

If I predicted the weather, things would be different

Nothing too crazy today...one little thing...

As a weather forecaster, who is wrong approximately 75% of the time...would you not perhaps under-estimate your forecast so that when it is actually 5 degrees warmer than projected, people are happy and less likely to harm you?

Example: Weatherman a- "the weekend is going to be sunny and HOT! 27 degrees expected for both days with only a 5% chance of rain on Sunday"....in reality the weekend turns out to be only 17degrees, mostly cloudy, 60% chance of showers and 3 tornados touch down. Expected life expectancy for Weatherman a= imminent death actually...probably by blunt force trauma to the head.

Weatherman b- "the weekend looks OK. Kind of cloudy, nothing special. Only about 21 degrees, 50% chance of showers."...in reality the weekend boasts 23 degrees, is only mostly cloudy on Saturday and a slight shower (a misting really) in the morning on Sunday. Expected life expectancy for Weatherman b= well, a lot longer than weatherman a's....in fact a parade is held in his honour.